Double dare! Map your positive habit/behaviour goals with numerics. Get all super-geeky and measure your hugs to multiply the love.
I’m not kidding (well kind of) - Thats my invitation to you.
Even if you don't actually write it down and keep it saved as your iphone screensaver or pin it on your fridge. Pay attention to the numerics.
Have some fun with this!
You see, they typical notion of success being measured by say, money, popularity or body weight - there’s a simple reason we get stuck on that - because its easy to measure it. (ethnographic primate study, cultural norms and capitalist agenda are topics for another time :)
You see the mind loves clear rational easy to read metrics especially when you are working on change. So why not apply maths magic to what really matters in life.
If you want more love and connection, then start mapping your love and making it count.
You might count:
the times you eat dinner with your loved ones
the nights you get into bed early with your lover (or your self)
phone calls with friends (instead of texts!)
your self care dates - hot baths, massages, markets, dinners, shows
the time you spend dancing & singing
the time you play games with your kids
how often you tell a joke or even smile at others
your vegies grown
your chats with neighbours
your cuddles with kids or cats (or dogs, or rabbits!)
the times you help someone or reach out to connect
hurts that you have forgiven
hope & happiness that you have inspired
You want to say nicer things to your husband/colleague/kids? Then go the full equation:
map when you will connect during your week
how you will start your conversations
how many quality times you can carve out for satisfying connection
And you can apply this for self-care and wellbeing goals that will also boost your mood and your loving vibes.
More meditation - map where and how many times you will do it, for how many minutes. Better nutrition - map how much of your plate you want covered by vegies each meal.
You get the picture.
Mapping the numerics is just one strategy in making it easy to boost your sense of agency as you can report back to your self that those intangibles are happening. The logical mind has steps to follow and heck - its easier to reflect on and give yourself a reward when you make progress.
Now I do need to acknowledge that this is of course only part of the picture, because you need your emotions to drive you and your environment to support you, but it is a great tool to keep those intangible satisfactions at the top of your mind.
If you aren't a mathematician kinda gal - and I gotta admit I am not always - a gentler complementary way to do this is to make a mental note of the behaviour change you are working on, how you can boost the amount of that happening and of course marking it with a gratitude list to bookend the day!
I used this method to shift the way I was connecting with my kids when we were going through a rough patch and my son was seeimingly always crabby. So I noted: how many times had I said something encouraging & opened a positive conversation? I realised we had been on a depreciating spiral and my attention to the amount of times I spent leading our relationship with positive and hopeful comments needed a boost. This positive attention of course turned the spiral back on the up toward more love and positive connection.
Which ever way works for you, mapping what really satisfies you in your relationships and acknowledging positive change is indeed a part of the change process and increases our confidence that - we got this!
We is maths geniuses!
And we can multiply love!
...Literacy love challenge up next... ;)